“Change is the way I feel good”

March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 March 2012 April 2012

Jamie Oliver. I miss his cooking shows :(

I stumbled upon this photo while I was searching for my prom dress. ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?! I've been in love with lace for a long time now and seeing Kate Middleton wearing her's during her wedding is making me crazy! I want it so badly. Too bad...it is not the time. Yet. :)


My brother sent this to me last month I believe. Look how horrible this is! By the way this was in ANU. Hell I'm not going there for my studies!

D'accord, je ne suis pas francais alors pardonnes mes erreurs. Hier, j'ai regade 'Contagion' avec ma famille. J'ai des examens la semaine prohaine mais...j'ai besoin de reste.

J'adore Marion Cotillard!! Je pense qu'elle est une tres bonne actrice (penser 'Inception').




I must work now. Later :D

Before things get complicated, let me get this straight. I don't have to think long and hard to know what I want. The truth is, I like things to be simple. I want to live life the way I do. I'm happy by myself. I want to feel like I am willing to do something, instead of the other way around.

Let's keep things the way they were before. I'm happy with that.

What I didn't tell you is that: you will be disappointed.

p/s: I know you'll find this and when you do I hope this sinks in. I need you to understand.

A few days ago, Ameer, a friend from ISKL asked me if I (more specifically my father or my brother) own a pair of Chinese outfit for men. I sheepishly replied him: 'No I don't. Sorry my family isn't that 'chinese'.' Think about it, isn't it true? During Hari Raya or Deepavali, I never fail to see people wearing their traditional clothing. But how often do you see the Chinese wearing cheongsam or sam fu? Not very often. In fact I'd say none? Well at least not in KL. I'd still see some woman wearing cheongsam in my hometown.

I think its important to maintain that traditional aspect Chinese people hold in the past. I know, I know...even I wear the so-called 'westernized' clothes during Chinese New Year (I love the unique styles from British India!!) and come to think of it, wearing cheongsam every year can be boring dull. So space it out! Wear cheongsam once every 2 years etc. That way we could still preserve the Chinese tradition! I'm thinking of getting one before I leave for university.

OK, there is something else on my mind that I'd like to share, which is a completely different issue besides tradition.

PLAGIARISM aka CHEATING of any kind really (homework, projects and test).

In ISKL, they have strict rules regarding academic honesty. If you're caught cheating, you're doomed (if an 'o' is missing from this word it could have a totally different meaning, its offensive too....spell-check people). I've people plagiarize all the time in my old school (me: just homework I swear); during tests too but I quickly look away to prevent from being accused of plagiarizing. As you might know, ISKL loves quizzes. I caught a few people cheating during a French quiz but my French teacher is smart enough to make all of us empty our notes from our drawer. Then I thought to myself, its fine.

In math, its impossible to cheat. In English, you only get to cheat when its a vocabulary quiz; if its a commentary? Tough luck. In Psychology, again she is smart enough to say 'TAKE OUT A PEN AND WHATEVER YOU NEED TO WRITE WITH, EVERYTHING ELSE UP FRONT, NOW!" Don't mess with a teach from Yale. In Biology....I haven seen anyone cheat so far. So then again I thought to myself, its fine.

In Economics, however, is a completely different story. During a quiz, tests or unit tests - students cheat. Even during mock exams!! (like trial IB exam) Then I scream (in my head) - THIS IS NOT FINE, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Students have similar patterns when they want to cheat. Just by observing the way the tables are placed during the exams- they are all way back in the classroom. I remember a guy told me: 'Whoa, you're so brave!' Know why? I'm the few student how sits slightly in front of the classroom. Alone like an island. The other students clustered around at the back. I looked at him and said, ' Well, you guys cheat'. I'm not sure if he hears me.

And they pat themselves on the back when their received A's for their quizzes/ test/ mocks. Maybe I should say something? But I'm afraid I'd get beaten up by 80% percent of the student in my class. Then I should just keep quiet? BUT THIS IS SO UNFAIR! Maybe I should be proud of myself - my parents did a great job in educating me. Maybe teachers should be more observant? What is the point of giving out quizzes when they ace everything?

All of this comes down to a final point: You can't cheat during an IB exam. So good luck cheaters (its not like the cheaters are all dumb some of them are smart!) At least I take the challenge and receive my grades with pride. Bad grades will only make me work harder to improve myself (aside from being unhappy when a single B- or anything below that can pull your GPA downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn).

Lyon, France

SCARVES!! <3

London Fashion Week

England

I'd love to sit on this bench and read...

Time flies!! In less than 3 months I'll graduate from ISKL! I am feeling fidgety about the IB examinations; its too soon! At the same time, I want to get it over and done with so I can enjoy my 8 months (more or less) 'holiday'. Just thinking about it makes me smile....the things I would do in 8 months!!

I'd like to try my hand in the adult world - to work. Yes, I think I should really gain some experience on working life so that its easier for me to find a job in Australia. Perhaps I'll not be guaranteed a job overseas once I started working in Malaysia, but at least it increases my chances of getting a job. Again, just thinking about this makes me excited.

THINGS I CAN'T WAIT TO DO:

1. HANG OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS SENIOR TRIP TO PANGKOR!! (cause its right after graduation)
2. HANG OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS
3. SHOP! SHOP! SHOP!
4. CONTINUE DRUMMING
5. errrr...no clue yet. eat, eat, eat?

My grandparents are never close to me, be it my father's parents or my mother's parents. They were alright, the problem with me is that I don't talk a lot when I was younger. I'm self-conscious; even with my own relatives. Then sometime in July 2009, my grandfather (father's side) hold my hand and said: "Why are you leaving so soon?" At that time he was laying on the hospital bed, recovering from a surgery. He said that with a smile on his face. My grandfather was a very serious person, he believed that a real man should not show his feelings for his loved ones explicitly. I don't blame him because most people at his age act like that. But I know he loves us all very much.

That was the longest conversation we had in all these years. I regretted that I didn't answer him. Simply because he never talks, much less hold my hand when he is alive. I should have said something, instead I just look at him and smiled sheepishly. A few weeks later, he slipped away.

In 2010, my other grandfather passed away. This time, I was there to witness his death. It was painful to see. I've never cried so hard in my life. One death after the other was a huge blow for my parents. But things eventually got better.

Today, I woke up 5 minutes late. I took breakfast alone and read the newspaper. The things I noticed earlier today were rather odd. I saw an advertisement of an old lady with huge captions that says: "you don't have to shout, I can hear you." And at the bottom it says: "Never abandon your loved ones. Remember family comes first."

When I was having my late lunch, I asked my dad why he stop by aunt's house. He told me grandma will never come back, not anymore. I stared at him and asked: "When?" "Yesterday night, while you were sleeping."

No wonder I was greeted by an uncomfortable silence when I got home. Then I blurted out "Why didn't you tell me about it? (as in earlier)"
"Mum knows you have a test today, she don't want to upset you."

I can't explain how I feel right now. I didn't cry. I don't feel anything. I just feel tired. Perhaps, the day I turn 20 toughens me up; perhaps it was only natural because she's old; perhaps I though, at least she spent CNY with us; perhaps the fact that she told me to be careful on the road prepares me for this moment (its really rare when you hear things like that from her).

As I was eating my lunch, I made a promise to her- I will score 38 points for my IB examination. It may a reach, but you'll never know until you try. I know this is the one thing my grandfather and herself wants to see: their grandchildren succeeding.

Rest in peace grandma. I hope you reunite with grandpa and I hope that you stay happy, where ever you are.